Battle 8: Aztecs

As the buccaneers pushed through the dense vegetation, the came into a clearing. Across from their position are some short walls covering a small earth mound, with a stragely carved throne atop. Bart yells "to battle!" as he spots several natives surrounding the stone chair.

A mighty blast strikes out from one of the garishly decorated natives on the hill top but failed to do anything besides starting a small fizzling fire in the undergrowth behind.

As the orcs charge towards the hill, a torrent of stones assail them from a line of warriors armed with slings. While none of them found their mark, Tony III slipped on one of the stone that landed in front of him and cracked his head on a rock as he fell.

The greenskins slowed their advance and returned the fire from the bows and pistols. While the orcs failed to make an impression, one of the skilled goblins scored a chest wound and struck down one of the native where he stood. As the two warbands close, the orcs surged forwards to engage the humans in melee combat. The savage squig and brutal orcs lead by Jonny tore into the native warriors ripping them appart.

The terrible fighting of the natives attracted the scorn of one of their leaders who charged downhill waving a strange glowing sword. Gul II had just enough time to say "purty" before being cut down by the vengeful human. Totally breathless after the short sprint downhill, the native paused to catch a breather and neglected to defend himself against the wild attack of Chum the squig taking him out. At that point, the natives lost heart and fled the scene.

Poking about the throne, Todd found a jeweled sword and dagger, the sword commandered by Bart while the dagger was later sold of. On closer inspection, the glowing sword failed to cut very deep and Gul awoke a few hours later with no further ill effects. Tony III however managed to kill himself on the rock.

After searching for more treasures, Bart and gang returned to the settlement to see if Gareth is getting better (he is not). Just as he was about to leave he suddenly remembered,

"oui, anniwone forgots to pick up Garry's bow and halberg Tony borrowed?"
"errrr...... didn't Tony bring it back?"
"Jonny.... Tonys deads...."
"errrr......"

Battle 7: Aztec, Dark Elf, Pygmy

http://wargames.spyz.org/napnuts/album133
After discovering a river, Bart decided to follow its course. After treking half a day upstream, the orcs come across a tiny village. Scattered among the village are cared idols and unknown artifacts of gold and silver. Rubbing their hands in greed, the orcs advance. Just as they are about to reach the town centre, noise drift in from several directions. Bart ordered the warband to charge towards the nearest source of sound, which turn out to be dark-skinned half-folk. As the orcs are rushing forwards, Nuno III shouted "go Pascual! show them orcs how its done!" Which Antogon II took great offence at and charged Nuno in the back, unfortunately Tony slipped on a heap of squig poo just as he is about to reach Nuno and landed face first on Nuno's mace.

To the shock of the greenskins, one of the little-folk was riding an enormous ant charging straight at them. As usual, the squigs bounced ahead but were knocked down one by missle fire from the tiny-folk and the second by the giant ant. After taking a close look at the ant, Bart and Todd charged one of the short-folk that was at the edge of a bunch of trees, taking him out. Jonny and Hoggareth charged the ant. Gareth managed to knock the ant riding chief unconcious but Jonny's mighty strikes bounced off the rock hard carapace of the ant. Dismayed at the death of their chief, the wee-folk decided to run off with the ant carrying its master to saftey.

After chasing off the tiny-folk, the orcs surged across the river on one of the wide bridges where they spied familiar darting shadows whose speed could only be the dark elves that they have met prviously. Seeing the arrival of the orcs, the dark elves fled backwards, some of which crossed the river hoping the deep rushing waters will protect them from the brutal orcs.

Todd suddenly spies the female Dark elf seducing him dancing in a provactive manner. As he was trying not to puke at the ugly skinnie and dark bolt speeds towards him smashing him in the chest landing him on his ass. The strange bolt bounched of him and floored the two nearest goblin as well. The Bart, Gareth and Chum the squig charged the last two elves who were blocking the bridge. Gareth managed to take out one of the dark elf but the second one escaped harm and fought of chum. The cowardly elves took out Bart and Hoggareth with close range crossbow fire. At that moment, the Dark elf witch released its magical dark bolt again taking out Rodregus and Antogon II. At which point Todd orders the withdrawl and runs off.

A few hours later, Bart regains conciousness and rip off the bolt in anger. He faired much better than Hoggareth whose wound started to fester and while he fought off the resulting fever is too week and has to recrupriate. The vile magic of the dark witch struck too deep at the orcs sucking the life out of Rodregus and Antogon.

"Its going to cost to replace them" grumbled Bart...

Battle 6: Ralley's Rogues

http://wargames.spyz.org/napnuts/Mordheim-Orcs-vs-English
Just as Bart was about to leave town, he overhears a conversation betweem Gumbo the Squig monger and Gripgrip, crafter of oversized weapons.“Crapshanks toldz I that them Angleesh preye-veer-tears are inza great hurries to gets to XXXX”

“hmmmmm” ponders Bart, “mayhaps they is talking abouts that skinny that shots me inza boobs...” There is a village on the path to XXXX, if we camp there we can smacks them when they comes! Hahaha, the cunnin’ plan.

After two days of waiting, finally the smell of soap gives away the approach of the humans. Immediately the orcs surge forward to take on the humans, who cowardly chose to hide behind a huge rock. Bart then sends Todd to lead half the boyz to go round the other side.

Todd sent the sqiug round ahead who ran right into one of the humans. The sudden appearance of the meaty human confused the squig who was trying to take a bite mid-stride and fell over. Not believing their luck two of the humans stabbed it full of hole until it stop moving. Pascaul the gobbo on the other hand displays yet another of his signature killer shots by embedding an arrow deep into the weak head human, the pain of which knocks him unconscious.

Just as the orcs were wondering which side of the rock to attack from, the leaderless humans decided to charge Bart’s side, overwhelming the lone squig up front. One of the humans shoots an arrow into Bart's chest who growls in pain as the arrow head nudges the pistol shot that was still stuck in his chest. He staggers for a few seconds as pain clouds his vision and falls face first into the gound.

Jonny led an ineffective counter charge against the humans Tony II the orc grunt slipped at the last moment on the squig's blood and fell on his opponent's rapier. Jonny smashed though the defenses of another duelist with pure brute strength but only managed to stun the human. In the second turn the four other humans ganged up on Jonny and put him to sleep. Todd orders a tactical withdrawal and runs off into the jungle.

2 days later, Bart wakes up wrecked with pain. Todd says “good news and crap news. Good news, to takes out sa arrow we chopped big hole and took out da old shot between youse heart and lungs. Bad news, nows theres a hole in your lungs.” Bart replies “wha? ... whatsaminutes, wheres Jonny?”

On the way back to town, Hoggareth “Hogs” the orc fell into a native trap. The wussy wooden stakes broke upon impact with the thick orc hide, and among the victims Hogs discovers another of the fancy native artifacts. "Bonusz!"

Another 5 days of slow march leads his crew back into town where they meet Jonny hiding behind a tree near the entrance. After the battle, everyone forgot about Jonny who was picked up by Gonzo the pit master. Jonny was sent to fight a burly barbarian in Cutthroat Bay. As Jonny was not quite sure what was happening, the barbarian charged him and bashed him on his head. Jonny falls to the ground groggy and but shakes it off and stands up. “Oi! Wharts youse do dat f..” Wham! The barbarian strikes Jonny again and this time takes him out. Jonny wakes up 4 hours later in the mud as naked as a cabin boy in a captain’s cabin. Bart takes one (very brief) look at Jonny and mumbles, “should not have bloody came out this week...” and walks into town.

Battle 5: Mortius' Malefactors

After the BBQ, Nuno II’s squig chum is missing, and so is Todd’s staff. So everyone splits up trying to find it. In the midst of the confusion the dark elves suddenly reappear striking with sudden speed, their stealthy approach unheard until they were almost upon them.

“Dark elves!” sqeaked Pascaul as the vicious elves suddenly appear out of the jungle in his path. With half of his warband missing, Bart called for all the orcs to gather around him behind one of the carved rock hills while the dark elves cut up Pascaul and his pet Bruce II. “He was a noisy git anyways” Rodregus the orc laughed.

With the appearance of Hoggareth, Nuno II and Chum (with Todd’s staff in his teeth) behind the elves, Bart ordered everyone to run forward, confident of scaring them off again. However the elves stuck back with greater ferocity wounding the newly arrived goblin and squig, as well as Antogon “Tony” the orc whom Bart pushed into combat with one of the elves. Todd and lucky Jonny still have not returned so Bart decided the run off to see what was holding them up. In his rush to find the shaman, they neglected to pick up the injured Tony and Nuno whom they never saw again. Bart did remember to pick up Todd’s staff, as well as Chum who was still biting it.
On the way out, Bart made Hoggareth a honorary big’un for managing to find Chum and Todd’s staff.

Much later, the reduced warband bumped into Todd who was smoking a pungent local weed and Jonny who was slapping a straggler with his dented horse shoe. Turns out the stray was quite familiar with some of the surrounding areas, information Bart intend to use as soon as they replace Nuno since Pascaul is finding it difficult to control both Bruce and Chum. As Bart was returning the staff to Todd, he noticed one of Nuno’s fingers lodged in one of the bells. Being actually quite fond of the little goblin, he decided to keep it.

Back to Gumbo, Bart picked up Nuno III and Gines, two skilled goblins to keep the squigs in place and Antogon II who just arrived in a row boat eager to kill his first human.

Battle 4: Mortius' Malefactors

Once again with fame and fortune in his mind, Bart set out in search of artifacts. After 3 days of search, they came across yet another pile of carved rock together with some huts. It seems the racket they cause made the previous inhabitants flee into the jungle. Just as they were rummaging through the small village’s food store, they hear a strange language. “Elves!” squeaked Pascaul. "Dark elves..." added Todd. Bart scoffed at the fearful goblin ordering everyone out of the huts to meet the elves in combat.

As the dark elves drew strange crossbows out from beneath their cloaks, Nuno II the goblin urged his pet squig Chum towards the enemy hoping to draw their fire. As the rest of the orcs and goblins run forward, the dark elves start moving backwards, still showering them with crossbow bolts. Todd yells “Ledz go!!!” and after a short chase, the orcs caught up with the elves after a shot from Bart’s new dueling pistol knocked down one of them. A short melee knocked out one of the elves while Bart, being too far from the melee shot down the elven captain. The dark elves fled the scene soon afterwards.

Being very pleased with themselves, the orcs started a BBQ and helped themselves to the livestock of the village. In the fire, Todd found a charred wood burnt into the shape of the great God Mork, which he declares as a great omen of luck.

Battle 3: Ralley's Rogues

It was not long after that Bart realized that he lost the leather hanky his mother gave him when he was five. Thinking he might have dropped it at the wooden fort he led the crew back to try to find it. Upon reaching there, he discovered Ralley's Rogues wondering around the same area. Quite happy to smack them again, he ordered the crew to charge right into a carefully positioned killing zone. Still upset his skills are not recognized, Pascaul grumbled all the way, dragging his feet and whining loudly. Meanwhile Gul II was taken out fairly early in the fight along with a few of the henchmen. Jonny, felling much stronger ever since he had to pull himself out of the well, took out one of the men with a mighty swing of his halberd. Bart took one out as well before a stray shot from Ralley struck him in the chest. He mumbling incoherently for a second or two, before collapsing in a heap. Not quite sure what to do, the rest of the warband left the field of battle.

While everyone recovered with little lasting injuries, Todd was unable to remove the shot from Bart’s chest which is lodged between his lungs and heart. Returning to town, Jonny went to the human quarter to look for some beef and pork stew which he was hungering for when he noticed a noble changing the shoe of his horse at a blacksmith. The horseshoe was bent in a rather interesting way much to the appreciation of Jonny. Neither the blacksmith nor the noble disputed Jonny’s claim of the shoe. On the way back, he pointed out a pair of dueling pistols to Bart “ait them those pea sootas dat wham youse insa boobs?” The wooden stock of the pistols were painstakingly engraved to look like woodgrain, which quite impressed Bart who bought both on the spot.

Quite happy with his new purchase, he reached into his pocket to use his leather hanky to polish his new shiny pistol when he realize he didn’t drop it after all

Battle 2: Black Falcon Corsairs

A few weeks later, Bart encounters a band of dark skinned humans – Black Falcon Corsairs. Both sides attempted to capture an abandoned wooden fort between them, but the pirates reached there first, scaling up the wall from one side. Gul grabbed most of the crew to charge a small group of the pirates coming in from the side, unfortunately a loud bang and hundreds of projectile from a blunderbuss raked the small group sending several of them out of action, including Gul. Elsewhere Todd led the charge to take the fort smashing in through the gate to engage the pirates hiding there. Unfortunately the muddy floor in the fort proved unstable for the huge mighty orcs where a lucky hit sent Todd into dream land. With the shaman unconscious, Bart decided that the fort was “unclean” and pulled out his crew.

After the skirmish, Pascaul volunteered to pry out the lead pellets embedded in Gul’s body from the blunderbuss with his dagger. Unfortunately, a slight slip pushed his dagger though Gul’s lungs which proved ultimately fatal. In the middle of the third night, the delirious Todd suddenly wakes up screaming at the top of his quite considerable vocal range, “Blaaaaack Faaaaaaalconnnnnnn!!!!!!”

As the grouchy warband trekked back towards settlement, Jonny came across a well. Trying to reach in for a drink, he fell in discovering a pretty native artifact at the bottom of the well. Just as he climbed out of the well, a rabbit ran past him and straight onto the side of the well, breaking its neck. Quite happy with his late afternoon snack, Jonny broke of one of its paw as a keepsake.

Back in town, a sizable orc and goblin element has built up around Gumbo the squig importer. Picking up a big’un to replace Gul, proved easy. Pronouncing the newcomer’s name was more difficult, and in the end, Bart decided to rename him Ballaguthon. Hopefully he will not have the same fate as the previous orc that held that name. At the same time, Todd had “BF” tattooed on the inside of his left eyelid and a hourglass on the right.

Battle 1: Ralley's Rogues

Bartoloth “Bart” the Spiteful and his crew arrived in a Caribbean pirate haven where they discovered the latest fad among the noble houses of Europe are the native artifacts scattered among the abandoned ruins and cities. Numerous merchants in the settlement are willing to pay gold in return for these artifacts. With a picture of a fantastic farm in his head, Bart set out into the jungles where he was told several ruins lie.

Not long after, they came across an artificial hill made from huge carved boulders. As they approached the man made hill, Todder “Todd” Grimrung the shaman growls “I smell man flesh” which produced a big toothy grin from Bart. The humans that they encountered were Ralley's Rogues. Both groups raced to take control of the hill and in the ensuing melee, Bart’s crew managed to knock out 4 of the humans causing them to flee for their lives. Two of which were shot down by Pascaul the goblin who was wearing a smug grin until Ballaguthon “Gul” the big’un wacked his head into a tree. Pascaul’s pet squig, Bruce however faired poorly as grievous wounds left it unable to jump. Seeing it limping after a lizard, Gul killed it for lunch.

A search of the hill and surrounding areas turned up several of the native artifacts which was later sold for a tidy sum, some of which Bart used to buy a new pet for Pascaul who named it Bruce II. Gumbo, the goblin selling squigs mentioned that in the jungles there are some items that will bring the bearer extraordinary luck warding them from harm. As a superstitious orc, this interested Bart greatly who sent all his mates out looking for these so called lucky charms. After a full days of search, everyone returned with naught but mosquito bites. All except for Jonaddon “Jonny”. While strolling along a well trod path, he accidentally slipped on a dried leaf and landed facing a 4 leaf clover. Quite happy with his find Jonny returned cheerfully to the ship.